Dark 'n' Stormy

Two of my favourite things are made in Sweden: Edluar and staplers. One rather accurately melts me into sleep, as per their slogan. The other I discharge at an alarming frequency when I'm freaked out by the fucking state of events. I try not to aim at my eyes, although that may solve several problems.

I want to rant. Instead, I'm going back to my previous post to calm the fuck down. Yes, I'm swearing more and that's OK. It helps me with channeling "happy". As it were, I've been wanting to write a sequel to Happy. I'm calling it Dark 'n' Stormy, like the drink. I treat my drinking repertoire with the utmost respect and this involves a lot of research and patience. High-end rum, as it turns out, is much less expensive than other fermented, distilled and barrel-aged beverages, and finding the right ginger beer adds to the volume of controlled experiments. I'm up to the happy challenge.

Happy, happy. Lucky, lucky. It is with a heavy heart that I wake up every morning, yet I am determined to seek and find daily joy and, "happiness". In my experience, to proceed otherwise is unwise. Some days turn out to be hapless despite my best efforts, that's just how it is. As the trendy saying goes, I have "first-world" problems. Yes I do, but that doesn't make them any less valid or pertinent. To illustrate, let me lay out a less than stellar snapshot from a few months ago.

I was taking the day with a friend to walk around an affluent neighborhood and to enjoy a leisurely lunch. Upon exiting from one of many posh stores, we noticed a man, arms up, head down sideways with eyes closed, leaning upright against the store's highly-polished window. We both came to a startled stop, and my friend asked if I thought whether or not he was okay. I walked up to within inches of the man to look him over. He was deathly still in his unnatural pose, without perceptible breath or odour, and his skin had a waxy glow, like a sanitized "homeless" creation by Madame Tussaud. Suddenly I felt lightheaded, my perception shifted, and I let myself believe that I was witnessing a bizarre form of performance art, and more elaborately, that passersby were being filmed for their reactions. I confidently exclaimed that this was not a real person. Absolutely wretched. I dehumanized a fellow human being. My good friend had better sense and started talking to him, persistently, and after a few minutes, there was slight movement. Patiently, she waited until he responded, within only her earshot. In the distance, we could hear an ambulance approaching.

If I were still a practicing Catholic, this would make for an outstanding confession. As it goes, I delve deep into my psyche and search for understanding. The specter of this event continues to haunt me. An active imagination is one thing, but what can cause such an abrupt rupture with empathy? My anxiety had reached a tipping point, and my thought processes could no longer differentiate between nonsense and reality. Can I blame my new coping mechanism on living in a society struggling with its collective moral compass? Menopause? Too many questions and not enough answers. Forgiveness is for myself to give. My inner light is always on but I must take care and remember to always keep the curtains parted. Sometimes the storm is raging outside, other times it is within.

Please don't ask me if I'm happy or if I've found happiness. Of course I am and I have, every day. Happiness and feeling happy doesn't exist in a vacuum, nor is it a constant, and it is different every day. Dealing in so-called "positive" absolutes is both irrational and dangerous. Is there rhyme or reason for crappy to rhyme with happy? The malady of Great Expectations is only amplified by the booming Happiness Industry, which I dare say, is a detraction from, and formidably antithetical to its purported goal.

Happiness is the great expanse, the universe. It is a life-long exploration. How far you make it is all in your mind.

PS: Jean bought me a box of cereal for the days my mind needs a little help.

Hard Facts, Soft Lies

I've just popped my second dose of anti-anxiety medication. I am compelled to continue writing, as I attempt to process the enormous quantity of events of 2016 thus far, let alone the prospects following the outcome of the U.S. elections.

Despite the conciliatory, almost Zen-like tone of my previous post, I continue to suffer from generalized nervousness, insomnia and worsening distraction. I believe to be exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress. The last time this occurred was in September 2001. Loss and grief on an individual level is very different from when you are simultaneously the dead and the grieving - and today, that's my larger societal perspective. Continue reading, I will finish on a positive note, I promise! Then again, I could be lying. 

John Oliver must have read my post from November 11 because on his show yesterday, he admonished my statement, and rightly so, that continued sunrises and the earth spinning does not set a high bar for humanity. If I continue to remain short-sighted in thought (my optic myopia has been corrected with lenses), I can perhaps remain appeased by my shaky belief that the American powerhouse of a system will continue to run efficiently and steadily. The election outcome was supposedly decided by: (1) unhappy, non-college educated white people disillusioned by government; and (2), aging baby boomers living comfortably with Social Security, Medicare and pensions.  People wanted change...and an old rich white guy in power is so very different from the last 240 years. They've effectively gifted their grandchildren with the ravages of climate change, poor education, and encouraged a world view shaped by reality shows streaming on all 3 of their large-screen HDTVs, barefoot and pregnant.

I personally know people who support Trump. They are college-educated. They represent a sub-group and the sample size is small, but that’s all I have available to me, statistically speaking. We have exchanged words on several issues. Please note that I did not say it was an exchange of ideas because remarkably, I was the one with all the questions. Here’s what I’ve gleaned from our conversations:

Heading the list of ideas is the belief that because Trump is a political outsider, he alone can change the system. What needs changing I ask?  Lobbying for one, and I will easily agree with that. Give me more, please. I am told that the criminals who are here illegally (illegal being a euphemism for Mexican) should be weeded out and expelled, and this concern is directly linked to drug trafficking. Seriously, this is number 2 on the list? Can you name 5 cultural groups that speak Spanish? Could drugs be coming in from anywhere else? (Admittedly, I did not ask these last 3 questions) My goal is not to minimize drug-related crime and violence, it's definitely a concern, but statistics are tricky. First of all, the data has to be reliably sourced, and even then there is a margin of error. I took 3 university-level statistics courses, so I consider myself more knowledgeable than average. You just have to take my word for it because it would take you too long to fact-check, and more importantly, it doesn’t show up on Google. When people are shown numbers and statistics, they can tell which number is lower or higher, and occasionally, which leaning is favorable. Maybe they understand percentages; I barely do when they are once-removed. What’s 27% of 65%?  Right. When pushed on issues regarding race, gender and the environment, dismissal is the go-to reaction, which of course is not an answer. I am told that Trump just said those things to win the election. So you’re saying that in order to win the U.S. elections, you must cater to people who don’t care about human rights and the future of their progeny?  From an evolutionary standpoint, that’s a recipe for extinction, but then again, that’s just a theory. How about taking advice from a known white-supremacist?  Again, I am told he’s supposed to be a good guy. Yes, I understand, you mean like my rapist friend here?  End of conversation.

So yeah, the American people just got fucked (pick a hole) by a T-shaped dildo. Let’s hope it's in lowercase. Also, Trump better stay alive and well because his chosen successor is quite possibly even less palatable.

©Andrea Corwin

Where’s the positive in all this you ask? It’s in the cracks. This election was won through the Electoral College system, not the popular vote. What can I say to my American friends? The U.S. Presidency is not impervious to peaceful uprisings and demonstrations. Practice daily acts of defiance and kindness. Get involved. Donate time or money to a cause or organization you believe in. Slowly but surely, the cracks will widen and you won’t realize that your medications have kicked in. Just kidding. Don't close your eyes. Force the light through. Make America Sane Again!