You had me at Grab

This is the last installment of my so-called Election Trilogy. I am exhausted. What can I possible add to the debate, the magnitude of information and opinions that are out there? What hasn’t been said? But that’s beside the point: the goal here is to maintain my chronic affliction of self-torture.

I catch myself distracted more than usual. My well-known ability to focus has been compromised, confusing my logic and sensory perception. Even something as simple as trying to prepare hard-boiled eggs requires a minimum of attention. My first mistake was going upstairs after turning the stove top element to HIGH under a pot containing 5 eggs fully immersed in water (please note that only 4 charred eggs are in the photo, no water). Whatever I was doing in my home office/studio must have been of vital importance, like writing a blog post for example. It was a Sunday afternoon and I remember thinking to myself that one of my neighbours must be barbecuing.  It wasn’t until I heard loud popping sounds that I sprang to my feet. Even in that instance, I had not yet made the connection, not until I was half-way down the stairs. Approaching the kitchen cautiously from around the corner, I could see that the popping sound was accompanied by flying bits of egg. Through stealth approach, the danger of making the 5 o'clock local news was fortunately averted, no one to witness my embarrassment and the hour it took to clean up.

I'm being told to not get "worked-up" about what's going on around me. After all, I am in no imminent danger of being killed by a U.S. drone. Thank you very much. How about scalding hot egg missiles? If death were all I feared...well, you see where I'm getting at: fearing the eventual end of my existence is quite different than facing my current existence in a fractured society of global proportions. That’s right, I am in the fortunate situation of having a lot of choices in life, choices not available to many people around the world, this country included. Simply put, in the future I envision, the choices will be different but available to a greater number of people. If I’m accused of idealism and over-exaggerating the perils of lack of accountability, ignorance, policies and laws shaped by religion, and geopolitical forces jeopardizing such a future, so be it. Look into the mirror of history. It doesn't take that much imagination. I hope I’m wrong.

Bummer, and here I was starting of on a light note.

Being a globally recognized powerful nation comes with responsibilities. Pardon me for getting "worked-up" about the words, ideas and actions of the person who is about to become the leader of this powerful nation. I am being asked to believe that past behavior is neither a predictor nor an indicator of a person's future actions and decisions. This cuts both ways and I get it, Hillary was not an irreproachable candidate. What I’m struggling with however are questions of morality and logic. Logic and logical thinking is supposedly therapeutic, the means to reason, but alas, as I’m belatedly discovering, not universal. As it turns out, I need additional therapy. Let me continue...

“Grab them by the pussy”.

Fifty-three percent (53%) of white women who voted in the 2016 U.S. elections, apparently don't mind unsolicited genital fondling, among other things. Please watch out for more sex offenders showing up at the voting lines for the next elections. Flippant remarks indeed, but sadly and in a nutshell, gender solidarity for white women is superseded by racial solidarity. Someone please tell me again the justification and logic behind voting for all-important "real change" that makes you "great again", when it comes with ideas and behavior that don't belong in a progressive and just society. Oh yeah, I know, many people, mostly white men and women, didn't vote for either candidate for moral reasons. Even morality has a hierarchy. If Sophie could make a choice, then so could you.

Pussy has been the conventional name for cat since the 16th century. It gradually evolved from a term of endearment for a woman, something that can be stroked, to becoming slang for a woman's vagina, and finally, by extension, used as a pejorative to label someone as weak and submissive. I am the proud owner of the first paperback edition of Womanwords by Jane Mills from 1989. It's a little dated and written from a white woman's perspective, but still highly informative if you're interested in that sort of thing. Other than referring to cute baby felines, the more socially acceptable reference to a pussy, as in the expression "You're such pussy", doesn't mean you have 9 lives, but rather that you lack courage and strength. You can "Grow some balls", and we're back to genitals. I have heard both these comments across gender lines, and the people who dislike being called a pussy are of course...everybody, so united we stand.

“Grab them by the pussy”.

I ask myself why I'm picking on this particular comment coming from a bottomless source of purposefully offensive material. After all, there are so many horrible things happening all over the world. Why write about this seemingly inconsequential comment in the greater scheme of things? First of all, I don't think it's inconsequential. Secondly, because I am free to do so, I have that choice. Thirdly, I have a pussy, unappreciative of uninvited groping. Lastly - if only to put an end to a potentially long list - because this comment was made by the man elected to assume the U.S. presidency in 2017.

Mea culpa. I would argue that every offensive and hateful sentence that has been uttered throughout the U.S. election campaign, through relentless and consistent repetition across all media, was a major contributor to the election outcome. Much like when you're sitting in a garbage dumpster (don't try this), you initially want to gag because of the stench, but after a while, you can't smell anything at all, not even the Brussels sprouts, and that discarded slice of pizza being dragged away by the rat looks mighty appealing. Hungry [for change] and senses numb: as a population, we have been exposed to systematic desensitization.

In conclusion, let me share that I just finished preparing 6 pounds (2.7 kg) of Brussels sprouts for Thanksgiving celebrations on November 24 and took it as an opportunity to focus my thoughts so as not cut any of my fingers off. Throughout the task I kept thinking about testicles...Happy Holidays!

Hard Facts, Soft Lies

I've just popped my second dose of anti-anxiety medication. I am compelled to continue writing, as I attempt to process the enormous quantity of events of 2016 thus far, let alone the prospects following the outcome of the U.S. elections.

Despite the conciliatory, almost Zen-like tone of my previous post, I continue to suffer from generalized nervousness, insomnia and worsening distraction. I believe to be exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress. The last time this occurred was in September 2001. Loss and grief on an individual level is very different from when you are simultaneously the dead and the grieving - and today, that's my larger societal perspective. Continue reading, I will finish on a positive note, I promise! Then again, I could be lying. 

John Oliver must have read my post from November 11 because on his show yesterday, he admonished my statement, and rightly so, that continued sunrises and the earth spinning does not set a high bar for humanity. If I continue to remain short-sighted in thought (my optic myopia has been corrected with lenses), I can perhaps remain appeased by my shaky belief that the American powerhouse of a system will continue to run efficiently and steadily. The election outcome was supposedly decided by: (1) unhappy, non-college educated white people disillusioned by government; and (2), aging baby boomers living comfortably with Social Security, Medicare and pensions.  People wanted change...and an old rich white guy in power is so very different from the last 240 years. They've effectively gifted their grandchildren with the ravages of climate change, poor education, and encouraged a world view shaped by reality shows streaming on all 3 of their large-screen HDTVs, barefoot and pregnant.

I personally know people who support Trump. They are college-educated. They represent a sub-group and the sample size is small, but that’s all I have available to me, statistically speaking. We have exchanged words on several issues. Please note that I did not say it was an exchange of ideas because remarkably, I was the one with all the questions. Here’s what I’ve gleaned from our conversations:

Heading the list of ideas is the belief that because Trump is a political outsider, he alone can change the system. What needs changing I ask?  Lobbying for one, and I will easily agree with that. Give me more, please. I am told that the criminals who are here illegally (illegal being a euphemism for Mexican) should be weeded out and expelled, and this concern is directly linked to drug trafficking. Seriously, this is number 2 on the list? Can you name 5 cultural groups that speak Spanish? Could drugs be coming in from anywhere else? (Admittedly, I did not ask these last 3 questions) My goal is not to minimize drug-related crime and violence, it's definitely a concern, but statistics are tricky. First of all, the data has to be reliably sourced, and even then there is a margin of error. I took 3 university-level statistics courses, so I consider myself more knowledgeable than average. You just have to take my word for it because it would take you too long to fact-check, and more importantly, it doesn’t show up on Google. When people are shown numbers and statistics, they can tell which number is lower or higher, and occasionally, which leaning is favorable. Maybe they understand percentages; I barely do when they are once-removed. What’s 27% of 65%?  Right. When pushed on issues regarding race, gender and the environment, dismissal is the go-to reaction, which of course is not an answer. I am told that Trump just said those things to win the election. So you’re saying that in order to win the U.S. elections, you must cater to people who don’t care about human rights and the future of their progeny?  From an evolutionary standpoint, that’s a recipe for extinction, but then again, that’s just a theory. How about taking advice from a known white-supremacist?  Again, I am told he’s supposed to be a good guy. Yes, I understand, you mean like my rapist friend here?  End of conversation.

So yeah, the American people just got fucked (pick a hole) by a T-shaped dildo. Let’s hope it's in lowercase. Also, Trump better stay alive and well because his chosen successor is quite possibly even less palatable.

©Andrea Corwin

Where’s the positive in all this you ask? It’s in the cracks. This election was won through the Electoral College system, not the popular vote. What can I say to my American friends? The U.S. Presidency is not impervious to peaceful uprisings and demonstrations. Practice daily acts of defiance and kindness. Get involved. Donate time or money to a cause or organization you believe in. Slowly but surely, the cracks will widen and you won’t realize that your medications have kicked in. Just kidding. Don't close your eyes. Force the light through. Make America Sane Again!

Hopeful Pessimist, Naive Cynic

PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND ENJOY YOUR DAY. I'm here to tell you that unless this planet experiences a catastrophic cosmic event, there are many days to come - at least according to human definition and probably in your lifetime. Be the best person you can be and channel love, not anger (I can feel eyes wanting to roll).

The next President of the USA has been elected. Less than 60% of eligible voters participated. Trump supporters are celebrating and Clinton supporters are shocked and disappointed. Alas, everybody needs to move on, even though to some it feels like Earth has stopped rotating on its axis. The 24-hr news cycle is a giant global psychological and neurological experiment, which I affectionately like to call a mind-fuck. It's like taking your brain and running it through a blender. Smoothies are not always good for you. You have been drinking US election smoothies for the past 18 months. Granted, it may have tasted better than the anything on the world-wide menu. You shouldn't even be reading this blog.

©Norma Hoeppner 

I too am guilty, despite my lack of conventional TV access, of using my electronic devices to repeatedly and compulsively access news applications and social media. Granted, the human experience, whether it be deplorable or exceptional, has become more complex and I am not particularly well versed in economics or politics. For a variety of reasons, the list being long and omitted here for editorial considerations, I am one of many who are sad and discouraged that Clinton did not win the election. As a Canadian citizen, I am not eligible to vote in the USA, but I live here and contribute to its society and national economy. It is disheartening that 40-plus percent of eligible voters did not do so. Fortunately for me, living on an isolated island is again proving to be advantageous.

Emotions are running high and I'm working on sorting through mine. I don't want to hear people complaining. I also don't want to hear people gloating. Least of all, I don't want to hear people using labels. Not a single one. It is not productive and I'm sick of it. Stop tweeting or whatever. People who want change must think and act outside the box, and guess what...there is a new box outside the current one. It's a hard reality.

FORECAST: Cloudy with a chance of meteor showers, then clearing. Take a deep breath in (you won't develop a respiratory problem because there is no pollution or global warming)...and cough it up!

It's only for 4 years folks. A lot can happen...or nothing at all. Be creative. Be kind.

PS: visit my super-creative friend Norma's website, she always inspires me.

Much About Nothing

Apprehension and hesitation have been my steady companions these past couple of days when I started thinking about writing a bit of unfocused satire. I realized that to say one thing, I would have to leave out a thousand things or, without exaggeration, 100 billion things. This is the dollar amount required by Dr. Evil in his quest for world domination and estimated net worth of DT. The pull of the enormous vortex called absurdity is hard to resist.

DT, the abbreviation for the combined Diphtheria-Tetanus vaccine, happens to be the initials of a vacuous individual whom I refuse to reference by name. Alas, no vaccine exists against said individual. Vaccine against vacuity, while sounding deliciously alliterative, is an oxymoron, yet another apropos-sounding word on so many levels. DT also stands for Delirium tremens, a severe form of alcohol withdrawal that involves sudden and severe mental or nervous system changes. Condition also brought on by listening to DT the individual. Stay calm and hydrate.

Allow me to quote from a tediously long and now infamous speech given on June 16, 2015, with minor modifications (italics):

"When the US sends its people (to run for the Republican presidential candidature), they're not sending their best, they're not sending you, they're sending people with lots of problems, they're sending me."

DT is indeed a public health concern. Fortunately, hot air rises and then cools down. That's how science works. If it were not the case, DT would contribute significantly to climate change, which he would then list as a proud accomplishment.

As you may have guessed from my previous missives, music's contribution to my sanity and creative process is significant. This past year, my year of nostalgia, I have searched for and downloaded a few songs that remind me of my early childhood, songs that my parents listen to when they had their fingers on the pulse of pop culture, as opposed to just taking their pulse. "Mexico" by the Les Humphries Singers was one of a handful of tunes that left an indelible mark on my young and impressionable psyche (along with "Kung Fu Fighting", "Whiter Shade of Pale" and "Smoke on the Water").

The Les Humphries Singers were a large multiethnic group and you can watch them sing here about Mexico and the war of 1840, when both Texas and California were still part of Mexico. Never forget history.

Goodbye

Don't be alarmed, I'm not going anywhere except in my own mind. Or my mind is going. I thought perhaps that a simple title might be catchy. The fact is, at the end of this year, I will be saying goodbye...to my first 50 years. Here's the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, in reverse order, since I prefer to end on a positive note. The film whose title I'm referencing was released in 1966, although I suspect but cannot substantiate that it was conceived and filmed in 1965. I want this to be a good fit with my birth year! My subconscious must have been on hyper drive when I changed my ringtone to the movie's theme song earlier this year (you must endure 15 sec of advertising but it allows you to listen to its entirety for free).
The Ugly:

• 50 years represents half a century: need I say more?
• People start asking if you'd like the senior's discount: this happened to me the other day at the cinema, and I wouldn't be sharing this if I weren't supremely self-confident about my youthful looks. To be fair, I was going to a Sunday matinee screening of The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and the teller didn't even look up at me until I said "sure, go ahead". At which point he charged me full price and issued a ticket for a different movie altogether. He had the decency to be flustered.
• In next 10 years, you will either develop a chronically treatable disease or a terminal one: yes, I'm generalizing but this is a blog, not a medical journal.

The Bad:

• You remember the name of the actor who played Wonder Woman's non-superhero partner in the original TV series (Lyle Waggoner - I kid you not, I even remembered the odd spelling) but cannot recall the name of the person who introduced her/himself for the third time.
• Aches that just won't go away.
• You can't read the fine print: you order books for the visually impaired from the library.

The Good (false truths):

• You can weed through the bullshit.
• You hear more bullshit about how great the 50's are, from people who are obviously no longer in that age group and sporting dentures: see previous bullet
• You care less or not at all about what others think: you hear this all the time but what it really means is that you've finally figured out what matters in your life and realize that your nerves just can't take it. So, what do you think about this blog post? Not that I care.